Building a Better Me – Respect (Part II)

Sermon Title: Becoming a Better Me – A Real RESPECT for Life

Good News Statement: God created us with respect

Summary: Jesus challenges us to raise the level of our respect for others by removing anger from our life.

Preached: Sunday, September 15^th, 2024, at Dogwood Prairie and Seed Chapel UMC

Pastor Daniel G. Skelton, M.Div.

 

Scripture (NRSV): Matthew 5:21-26, Today’s scripture reading comes to us from the Sermon on the Mount, where Jesus is preaching to his disciples about an array of topics. One of the topics concerns anger and how one’s anger should not be used to replace the practice of respect. Let’s read from the Gospel of Matthew, Chapter Five, Verses Twenty-one thru Twenty-six. May the hearing and reading of this scripture add understanding and meaning to your life.

Concerning Anger

²¹ “You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not murder,’ and ‘whoever murders shall be liable to judgment.’ ²² But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment, and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council, and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire. ²³ So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, ²⁴ leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. ²⁵ Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court with him, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. ²⁶ Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.

 

The Word of God, for the People of God; And all God’s People said, “Thanks Be To God.”

 

Introduction:

Before “graduating” from the third grade, my classmates and I were given a book sponsored by several businesses in the area: Central Bank, State Farm Insurance, Vandemore Funeral Home, Village Maytag, Lifetime Eyecare, McClimon Pharmacy, Chicago Street Decorating Center, and Hanford Insurance Agency. The book is titled, Eight Keys to a Better Me: Character Development for Young People, written by William J. Briggs and illustrated by Lynne Marie Davis.

The premise of the book focuses on eight key practices by which could help mold us and shape us into better versions of ourselves. These keys are honesty, respect, patriotism, kindness, courage, responsibility, feelings, and self-worth; and all of these keys were explained by highlighting tasks that students encounter or talk about during the school year and by which they did (or tried to do) on a regular basis whether at school or at home. In a way, the booked summed up what we learned in kindergarten through third grade; but also was a source that was reminding us that we must keep practicing these key traits as we progress through school and life if we want to continually create a better version of ourselves.

Now to be honest, as a soon to be fourth grader, I really had no idea what it meant to become a “better me.” I thought I was a good kid: I rarely got in trouble, I listened to my teachers, did what I was told, and helped out when I could. If I knew getting a book at the end of third grade was our sign of achievement, of success, I would have suggested other reading material that was more interesting. However, over the years this book has remained on my bookshelf: never packed away in box or shoved behind other books. It may have accumulated some dust and been placed under Bibles and renowned works by theologians, but it was still visible. In third grade, this book was just a book; but today, this simple read has a powerful message that I believe we all need to think about. And what we need to think about is “How do I become a ‘better me’?” How do I become a “better me” for me? How do I become a “better me” for those in my life? How do I become a “better me” for Jesus Christ and his church?

Over the next few weeks—now until October 20^th—we are going to explore five of the eight keys that William J. Briggs wrote about. Not only are we going to read about five of those eight keys, but we are going to relate them to scripture and see how a book written for children actually highlights marks of a true disciple in, for, and of Jesus Christ. We are going to talk about honesty, respect, courage, responsibility, and self-worth.

I understand that many of you are probably saying to yourself, “I’m the best version of me I can be.” And to that I say, “I’m proud of you!” However, Jesus didn’t call people to follow him that were the best versions of themselves: he called upon people who knew there was a better version of themselves found in the footsteps of Jesus. Jesus knows we have room to improve, to become a better version of ourselves, but do you believe that? Are you willing to pursue whatever is needed to help you say, “I am a better me today than I was yesterday”? Today, we draw ourselves to one of Jesus’ teachings from the Sermon on the Mount concerning respect.

 

Body:

In 1967, Aretha Franklin shocked the world. As a child, Franklin was noticed for her gospel singing at the New Bethel Baptist Church in Detroit, Michigan, where her father C.L. Franklin was a minister. At the age of 18, she was signed as a recording artist for Columbia Records. While her career did not immediately flourish, Franklin found acclaim and commercial success once she signed with Atlantic Records in 1966.

As an American singer, songwriter, and pianist, Franklin was honored by Rolling Stone magazine as the “Queen of Soul.” She was rightly given this title after being acclaimed as “one of the best-selling artists, with over 75 million records sold worldwide.”[1] She recorded 112 charted singles on the US Billboard charts, including 73 Hot 100 entries, 17 top-ten pop singles, 96 R&B entries, and 20 number-one R&B singles.[2] Her best-known hits include “Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You)”, “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman”, “Chain of Fools”, “Think”, “I Say a Little Prayer”, and “Ain’t No Way.” These are all great songs, but the one song that shocked the world into a new pulse was the song released in 1967. This song talks about how Franklin wanted to be taken care of but was not receiving the care that she deserved, so she proclaimed, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, take care of me. Oh, I got to have a little respect.”

The song “Respect” is much more than singing about a simple word: it’s about realizing that you, me, all of us deserve to get “a little respect.” Furthermore, through this respect, you begin to see how it can help lead you to becoming a “better you.” When was the last time you were given some respect? When was the last time you gave someone a little respect? How can “respect” change us to be better versions of ourselves today than what we were yesterday?

 

Movement One: Jesus Urges us to deal with Anger issues…

“What does God expect of me?” “How do I, as a follower of Jesus, live in a way that reflects His Lordship in my daily decisions?” Those are the questions that shape the Sermon on the Mount, which we read in the Gospel of Matthew. In the opening words of the passage, Jesus talks about the values of the disciple. He describes the things that bring us to the greatest joy; which are not the things sought by most people. He does not point to acquiring wealth, having freedom, or creating comfort. Instead, Jesus calls “blessed” those who are spiritually impoverished, those whose lives are broken by sin, those who work for peace, those who are pure – for those things create opening for God to pour Himself into us.

He taught us about influencing our world with His truth—but not with sword: “They will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks” (Isaiah 2:4). Instead, he said, “be salt and light” (Matthew 5:13-16). Be a person who offers spiritual seasoning wherever you go while you let the light of Christ shine within you. The Sermon on the Mount is extraordinary; and our text today is powerful because it brings the Sermon on the Mount to life as it challenges us to think about how we relate to others in a way that shows a real respect for life. And it does so be narrowing in on an emotion that we all deal with: anger.

Have you ever been angry before? Have you ever been angry but didn’t know why you were angry? Have you ever been angry with yourself? Have you ever been angry with someone else? Have you ever been angry enough with someone that you have spoken words designed to inflict emotional pain? I’m sure some of us would answer “Yes” to some of these questions. Jesus challenges us to raise the level of our respect for others beyond merely our anger. He says, “Deal with the attitudes of contempt that show up in the way you talk and then you’re on course to showing real value for the dignity of others”—meaning respect. In a series of escalating illustrations Jesus talks about the way we relate to one another in hopes to replace our anger with respect.

First, Jesus urges us to deal with anger issues. When we get angry with others we risk doing things that will bring the judgment of God on us. Let me say that again, when we get angry with someone else, we open the flood gates of God’s judgment upon ourselves—not upon the one who we are angry with. We become receptacles for Satan’s will. Jesus doesn’t want that to happen, but it’s tough when you take a step back—look at history, look at political debates, look at the current state of our nation—and realize that we live in a very angry world. People are quick to be defensive, their guard always up, watching for someone to trespass into their territory. It seems like we are looking for reasons to be upset about something instead of looking for something that brings us joy.

Sociologists suggest that some of this is due to our lack of community, that we are so transient, so disconnected from each other that we feel insecure, and live as though we are in immediate danger—all of the time! Another reason we are so defensive, and even angry, is that we live with an exaggerated sense of vulnerability. Ask many people about crime and they will tell you of a much greater risk that actually exists. Why? Because our media brings crime from a wide region right into our living room, and makes the world we live in feel much more dangerous to us than it actually is. However, our world is still dangerous because the Devil is provoking us to live in and act with anger.

Jesus urges us to deal with anger issues because he knows that anger is not meant to control us. If anger begins to control us, then the devil is winning: the devil has found a crack in our cistern to use the analogy from the Prophet Jeremiah. The devil has just claimed another soul. Just because we may live in an angry world—a mad world—doesn’t mean that we have to be angry. To become a “better you” don’t let anger urge you to become something you are not; instead allow your anger to help you understand how Jesus is urging you not to give in to what is causing that anger, but to give into the ways of Jesus Christ. If you want to earn respect then don’t let anger become an avenue for the devil to be in your life. Anger is not a remedy for receiving or giving respect.

 

Movement Two: Words are Powerful…

Secondly, Jesus observes that “If you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire” (Matthew 5:22). In other translations of the Bible this verse might say, “If you call someone a nit-wit (literally meaning “empty headed, brainless”) you may be liable for slander charges in court.” Human courts concern themselves with slander and if you label someone a worthless person, you might find yourself answering a lawsuit which is why Jesus says, “but God is concerned even with your contempt for one another.” Jesus is concerned with what we say in times of anger.

We are reminded  to watch even our words because words are powerful. Think of some of the powerful uses of the gift of speech in recent history. Martin Luther King, Jr. inspired America when he stood before the Lincoln Memorial in 1963 and said, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” His words moved this nation to change laws and lives! Winston Churchill became the Prime Minister of Great Britain in May, 1940, and delivered a famed speech that called a nation to war. He said, “I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many months of struggle and suffering.” Many credit his ability to rally the Brits as a key part of the Allied victory in that terrible time. And what about former president Ronald Reagan. In 1987, Ronald Reagan stood at the Berlin Wall and challenged the Communist governments with his famous line, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” Many believe that his words, timed with world events, started a rumbling that led to the collapse of the Soviet Union and the end of the Cold War.

My point is, is that words are powerful: they can either bring peace or they can bring destruction, they can tear down walls or build walls up. Jesus doesn’t want our words to be terms of slander but of strength and encouragement, of hope and unity, and of inspiration and grace. Jesus doesn’t want our words to be the product of our anger but instead the product of his love.

Needless to say though, unlike Martin Luther King, Jr. or Winston Churchill, or Ronald Reagan, our words may not change a nation, but they may change history in the life of our child, our spouse, or our friend. Angry words can destroy a lot which is why James writes of the negative impact of ungodly speech in his letter: “Our tongues are small…and yet they brag about big things. It takes only a spark to start a forest fire! The tongue is like a spark. It is an evil power that dirties the rest of the body and sets a person’s entire life on fire with flames that come from hell itself. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and sea creatures can be tamed and have been tamed. But our tongues get out of control. They are restless and evil, and always spreading deadly poison. My dear friends, with our tongues we speak both praises and curses. We praise our Lord and Father, and we curse people who were created to be like God, and this isn’t right” (James 3:5-10, CEV). 

But, you may ask, “Isn’t there a place for righteous anger? Didn’t even Jesus angrily attack some religious hypocrites on a couple of different occasions?” Yes, and yes. Anger is a powerful motivator and Jesus was moved by anger over oppression of others by the powerful, by hypocrisy among religious leaders, and over mistreatment of the weak. The Bible addresses that kind of anger and tells us to keep it under control (Ephesians 4:26-29, NLT). If you want to become a better version of yourself, then don’t let anger control or dictate your speech because what you say is powerful. Once you say something it is very hard to retrieve it.

Speech backed by anger pushes one away from earning respect. Don’t let angry speech cause you to not show respect where respect is needed. If you want to become a better you, set aside angry speech and replace it with ways to speak of respect.

 

Movement Three: Don’t Pursue Life with Anger, but with Respect…

Thirdly, Jesus  informs us that anger is not the way to pursue him in our life. Jesus says in Matthew 5:23-26, “So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court with him, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.”

Simply put, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Strive every day to replace your anger with respect.

When couples ask me to officiate their wedding, I typically try to meet with them a few months before their special day to get to know them and talk about details. And one of the things that I talk to them about is about removing the “trash” before they go to bed. Removing the “trash” involves: 1) physically taking out the trash—removing the garbage from the day, getting rid of the rotten and useless things that have accumulated throughout the day so that there is a feeling of freshness in the air in the morning, and 2) removing the metaphorical “trash” of the day—the things that have upset you, caused disagreements, showcased anger, caused friction, and anything that has created tension. Remove the “trash” today so that it is not there tomorrow. End the day knowing that what needs to be thrown away and removed from your life has been eliminated so that you can begin tomorrow with a new start. Throw the anger away and replace it with respect.

Living a life with respect instead of anger is about removing the “trash” and living a better life, becoming a better you for you and for those in your life. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry: “…first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser…” Removing the “trash” allows you to be more holy—more respectful—as you approach the altar to leave your gift. There’s a sense of forgiveness connected to respect. We see this in Jesus.

Besides when Jesus flipped over the tables of the money changers in the temple (Matthew 21 and Mark 11), we don’t really come across too many moments during Jesus’ ministry—which was about three years here on earth—when Jesus allowed anger to replace his practice of respect. As a matter of fact, Jesus never allowed himself to vent anger that was coming from his own injured feelings. When he was being tried in court and even as he hung on the cross, the Bible says he would not hurl accusations or threats at those who tormented him. He brushed off the awful personal pain of the Cross as being unworthy of angry response. We must be willing to do some honest heart searching before we give into anger. We must take out the trash and attempt to make things right before it is too late.

In Hebrews, we learn that finding reconciliation in every matter is not always possible because reconciliation requires both parties in a dispute. However, you and I choose our course, and we are obligated by our love for God and others to make every reasonable attempt. Hebrews asserts, “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:14). For the Believer, Jesus says the issue is not being compelled by the law or fear. It is about desiring the best for others because we have experienced God’s best in our own lives. To build a better you consider living a life of respect—making everything effort to live in peace. Don’t pursue life with anger; pursue life with respect. But how do we do that?

Well, from an individual perspective, think before you speak: don’t let anger control your speech; make sure to offer forgiveness before it is too late; take out the “trash”: remove what is keeping your heart from being able to offer and show respect; and tell yourself, whether you see eye-to-eye with someone, fully agree with someone or not, or struggle with someone, that we are called to “show proper respect to everyone” (1 Peter 2:17). Sure you are going to become angry over something, sure you are going to be upset with someone, sure you are going to allow the heat of the moment to take control, sure the devil is going to take advantage of you at your lowest point, but don’t let those things take away your ability to show proper respect to everyone. It doesn’t matter if they are older than you, younger than you, leave red tractors in the shed while the green tractors are getting the job done, everyone deserves respect because that is what Jesus did: he gave to the Pharisees, Sadducees, High Priests, Kings, the unfaithful, lost, hurting, oppressed,  and the criminals, and even the disciples. Jesus gave each one respect.

Additionally, it’s important to give respect to yourself. According to mayoclinic.org, there are ten healthy ways to deal with our anger: Think before you speak—take a few moments to collect your thoughts, Once you’re calm, express your concerns—state your concerns and needs in a nonconfrontational way, Get some exercise—going for a walk or run or spend time doing other enjoyable physical activities, Take a timeout—give yourself short breaks to breathe, Identify possible solutions—don’t focus on what made you angry but instead on what you can do to remove your anger, Stick with ‘I’ statements—clearly express the situation from your perspective, Don’t hold a grudge—forgiveness is a powerful tool, Use humor to release tension, Practice relaxation skills—take deep breaths or imagine a relaxing scene or listen to music or tell yourself “Take it easy”, and lastly, Know when to seek help—seek help before your anger controls you.

If you want to build a better you, then allow respect to become the foundation for your life. When you live by respect you will experience what John witnessed in Revelation 4:11, “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for You created all things and by Your will they were created and have their being.” From respect, you become worthy and anger becomes less.

As a church, don’t we want to be known as a worthy church? A church that demonstrates respect for all those who walk through our doors, who worship with us, who we meet on the street, who seek our help, who simply want to be like us. As a church it is our godly gift to be a living example of what it means to show respect to everyone. Again we may not see eye-to-eye with them or understand their reasoning at times or even understand their humor and suggestions, or political and personal beliefs, but that doesn’t mean our practice of respect goes out the window when we see them. As a matter of fact, our level of respect should increase for them because they may need Jesus now more than ever. You are called to pursue respect, not anger. If you want to build a better you, then find ways throughout your days to demonstrate respect for yourself and for those around you.

 

Conclusion:

Aside from his signature black suit and red tie, actor and comedian, Rodney Dangerfield’s iconic catchphrase—“I don’t get no respect”—was the centerpiece for not only his standup routines, but also for his award-winning career as a whole. Dangerfield, who had overheard mobsters using the phrase during one of his shows, later got encouragement from fellow comedian Jack Benny. “He was an ace. He was a doll,” Dangerfield reflected during a 1979 interview. “And he says to me, ‘Rodney, I’m cheap and I’m 39, that’s my image, but your ‘no respect’ thing, that’s into the soul of everybody. Everybody can identify with that. Everyone gets cut off in traffic, everyone gets stood up by a girl, kids are rude to them, whatever.’ He says to me, ‘Every day something happens where people feel they didn’t get respect.’”

Dangerfield’s (whose real name is Jacob Cohen) iconic phrase, “I don’t get no respect”, is what Aretha Franklin was singing about in the 1960’s and it is something that Jesus preached against. Jesus didn’t want people to “get no respect”, he wanted respect to become part of everyone’s DNA—their way of life. Jesus knew that the devil would do whatever he could to remove that from us but he also understood that we can do anything “through the one who strengthens us” (Philippians 4:13), that includes giving and receiving respect. If you want to become a better you, then start living a life that shows more respect and less anger, live a life where trash doesn’t linger but is thrown away, and live a life that says “I get respect because I give respect.”

The book that I was given in third grade describes respect this way: “Respect is giving consideration to and treating others politely. Showing respect for others shows I respect myself.”  By showing respect, you are not only treating others the way you want to be treated, but you are showing others that you respect yourself. That’s what Jesus did. That’s what Jesus taught. That’s what Jesus needs us to do. “R-E-S-P-E-C-T,” ask me what it means to me. Let it be so…

 

Closing Prayer:

Dear God, fill our life with respect, fill our actions with respect, and fill our words with respect. As we strive to build a better us, may we seek to not let anger control our ways but instead let your love and grace be the stepping stones upon which we step, upon which we use to follow you. In your mighty name we pray, Amen.

 

Benediction:

This week, I challenge you to show a little more respect for yourself and for those in your life. Don’t let anger take control but instead let respect guide your ways. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; and May the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace (Numbers 6:24-26). In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, go forth finding ways to become a “better you.” And all God’s people said, Amen. Amen. Amen.

 

 

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aretha_Franklin; Martin, Nik (August 13, 2018). “Aretha Franklin, ‘Queen of Soul,’ gravely ill: report”. Deutsche Welle. Retrieved September 5, 2018.

[2]  “Aretha Franklin Chart History (Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs)”. Billboard. Retrieved June 27, 2024.